#147 Why ADHDers don’t follow through: The truth about shame-based goals

If you’ve ever set the same goal over & over again… then quietly stopped trying… then used that as “proof” that you never follow through, this episode is for you.

We’re talking about shame-based goals: the goals you set because you believe there’s something wrong with you that needs fixing.

“I have to lose weight because I’m disgusting.”
 “I need to stop yelling at my kids because I’m a terrible parent.”
 “I should save money because I’m so bad with it.”

On the surface, they look like normal goals. But under the hood, they’re being fuelled by shame & shame is one of the least effective fuels for an ADHD brain.

Inside the episode, we unpack:

• Why adults with ADHD often don’t trust themselves to follow through
• How shame-based goals quietly turn into evidence that “I’m lazy / hopeless / broken”
• What psychology tells us about thoughts → feelings → actions (why shame shuts you down)
• The difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) & shame (“I am bad”)
• How shame shows up in common ADHD goals around weight, money, parenting, business & habits
• Why inconsistency is not the problem & how it actually fits an ADHD brain
• 3 Practical steps to un-shame your goals so they become doable instead of punishing

This episode is valuable whether you love New Year’s resolutions, hate them, or avoid goal-setting altogether. It’s really about how you relate to change, & why “beating yourself up” has never worked.

This is a re-release because the ideas here are foundational for ADHDers: if your goals are built on shame, no planner, habit tracker or dopamine hack can fix that.

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!